Why do some babies want to be held all the time?

At home, we often always wonder why Nate doesn’t want to go on the floor. He cries EVERY SINGLE TIME his butt touches the floor.

I’m sure it has something to do with the Floor Horror Theory that only babies or young children experience.

What is the Floor Horror Theory?

a) The floor is on fire.

b) The floor is made of spikes.

c) The floor is literally lava.

d) The floor is actually a crocodile’s lair.

Answer: All of the above.

These floor horror things are actually caused by the trickster spirits that live on the (ehem) floor called the Gutfeet. Only children younger than 1 (of course) can see them. The Gutfeet love to play tricks on small children because they are powerless and can’t fight back. The moment a baby’s butt touches the floor, a gutfoot would turn into a crocodile or a frightening bonfire to scare the poor little baby. (See photos above for reference.)

To get rid of your resident Gutfoot, you need to do a cleansing ritual in your house.

CLEANSING RITUAL FOR GUTFEET

Things needed:
A strand of hair or fur from a virgin white tiger
Black candle made from the beeswax of blind bees
Black bat flower from the mountains of Southeast Asia
Golden mortar and pestle
Never been used ceramic white plate

Ritual:
Grind the tiger’s hair and black bat flower using the golden mortar and pestle.
Once the ingredients become paste-like, transfer it unto the ceramic plate.
Place the plate in the middle of the floor and light the black candle while chanting:
See the light where the sky meets the sea
It calls me
And no one knows how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I’ll know
How far I’ll go

The Gutfeet will leave your house in no time and your baby will enjoy floor time more and more.

Now that you are fully aware of this theory, I hope it cleared every doubt and confusion you have as to why babies want to be held all the time.

Disclaimer: The Floor Horror Theory doesn’t apply to some babies.

creating monsters since childhood


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Pancake Bunnykins

An Asian mermaid lost in transition.

I live in an enchanted forest at the end of a rainbow. I have a little window in my room where I can see unicorns playing in the grass field at day and magical fairies dancing under the silvery moon at night.

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